Confronting the Issue of Drug Use with Your Kids
What do I do when my child is using drugs?
How do I help my child when he/she is abusing drugs?
What is an intervention and how do I do it?
What do I do when my child is using drugs? (Back to top)
Talk to your child. If you need help with this, contact your doctor, a school social worker or clergy member, your local hospital, county medical health society, or family counselor. Professional intervention can help determine an appropriate course of action.
Keep in mind that the moment of disclosure is not just a moment to punish. It should open a conversation of understanding and bond by working together to solve the problem.
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How do I help my child when he/she is abusing drugs? (Back to top)
If warning signs point to a child on drugs, it's time to take action. If you deal with possible drug use head-on, there's a very good chance your child can be helped. Don't spend time hiding from the problem. Spend your time helping your child. The faster you act, the faster your child can start to become well again.
Sit down with your child for an open discussion about Alcohol and drug use. Openly voice your suspicions to your child but avoid direct accusations. Do not have this conversation when your child is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, and make sure you sound calm and rational. This may mean waiting a day if he comes home drunk from a party, or if her room smells like Marijuana . Ask your child what's been going on in her life. Discuss ways to avoid using alcohol and other drugs in the future. If you need help during this conversation, get another family member, your child's guidance counselor, or physician involved.
Remember to reinforce your no-drug policy during the conversation. Be firm and enforce whatever discipline you've laid out in the past for violation of house rules. You should discuss ways your child can regain your lost trust: calling in, spending evenings at home, or improving grades.
Just like many adults, many young people deny their alcohol and other drug use. If you have strong evidence that your child is lying, you may want to have her evaluated by a health professional experienced in diagnosing adolescents with alcohol- and drug-related problems. If you decide to go this route, remember that you're trying to help your child. Don't make the doctor's appointment seem like a threat or a punishment.
If your child has developed a pattern of drug use or an addiction, you will probably need to seek professional help. If you do not know about drug treatment programs in your area, call your doctor, local hospital, state or local substance abuse agencies, or county mental health society for a referral. Your school district should have a substance abuse coordinator or a counselor who can refer you to treatment programs, too. Parents whose children have been through treatment programs can also provide information.
Drug addiction is now understood to be a chronic, relapsing disease. It may require a number of attempts before your child can remain drug-free. Don't despair if your child's first try doesn't produce long-lasting results. Even if it's not apparent at the time, each step brings your child closer to a healthy life.
What is an intervention and how do I do it? (Back to top)
There are two ways to intervene with a substance abuser: an informal intervention (a personal discussion) or a structured intervention. The latter involves bringing together a group of people with the substance abuser to explore how the abuse has affected all their lives, and is used when the person has repeatedly declined to get help.
In any intervention, it's important to approach your loved one when he/she is not high or drunk (and when you are not acutely upset). Some additional hints:
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Stay calm.
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Couch your comments in concern.
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Avoid labeling the person an "alcoholic" or "addict."
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Cite specific incidents resulting from the person's substance abuse. ("You were recently arrested for DWI.")
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Stick to what you know firsthand, not hearsay.
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Talk in "I statements," explaining how the person's behavior has affected you. ("When you drive drunk, I don't sleep all night.")
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Be prepared for denial and resentment.
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Be supportive and hopeful about change.
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The point of any intervention is to ask the person to take concrete steps to address the problem (i.e., go for a substance abuse evaluation, attend family counseling, enter inpatient treatment).
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A structured intervention should be facilitated by a professional. The goal is to have the person begin treatment immediately.
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Enlist a professional to help plan it.
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Bring together the people most significant to the abuser (three to six is best, no children).
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Decide who is going to say what.
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Make all arrangements for the person to begin treatment immediately following the intervention.
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Identify the objections you might hear from the substance abuser, and be prepared to answer each one.
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Decide what consequences you're prepared to follow through with if the person refuses to enter treatment. (For a teenager, it might be, "We will file a petition with the court to have you placed in treatment." For a spouse: "I will no longer cover up for you," or even: "I won't remain in this relationship with you.")
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Rehearse the intervention at least once.