Who Needs to be Involved in Drug Conversations with My Kids?
A. What role do fathers play in teaching children about drugs?
B. What are schools doing and saying to teach children about substance abuse?
C. What role can grandparents play in teaching grandchildren about drugs?
A. What role do fathers play in teaching children about drugs? (Back to top)
Close relationships between father and child are not built overnight. They require time, personal growth, commitment and sacrifice on the part of fathers.
According to Randell D. Turner, PhD, vice president of National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), fathers need to be active daily in co-parenting their children with the mother, not just when they are asked to do so. Fathers need to spend time with each child, actively listening and talking about the child's interests, including television shows, music and school activities.
Young children crave attention, love and affection. These needs do not change as the child grows older. While teenagers may act as if they don't want or need a father's attention and love, they do. Fathers need to remember that although their teens may look like adults, they lack the wisdom born of years of experience and don't always know what is best for them.
To build a strong relationship with his teen, a father needs to remember what it was like when he was a teenager - his hopes, fears, lost loves and dreams for the future. Their child faces the same feelings; only today, it comes at light speed, demanding an immediate response. Without a father that loves and accepts them unconditionally, whom they can turn to for guidance, teens will stumble, seeking out advice from anyone who will give them the love and attention they crave.
A child needs a father's daily involvement.
This could include playing or working with them, attending their activities, tending to daily routines or just spending unstructured time together. Fathers who are involved in their children's lives tend to go out of their way to interact with them. They tend to see sharing their day as an important aspect of being a good father.
A child needs a father's acceptance.
A father's acceptance helps the child to believe that he will love them no matter what. A father's acceptance teaches a child that he or she is loved for who they are rather than for what they do. When teens feel accepted by their father, they are more likely to open up greater trust between them and their father.
A child needs a father's affection.
A father can express affection in many different ways, though loving words or an appropriate touch communicates volumes to a child.
Children need their fathers to be consistent.
Consistent fathers maintain a certain level of regularity both in their personal characteristics and in their fathering habits. People around them know what to expect from them. They are diligent fathers and their interaction with their children does not vary regardless of the circumstances.
A child needs a father's availability.
When fathers make themselves available to their children, it gives them a sense of importance. When fathers are not available, it tells the child, "Yes, I love you, but other things still come ahead of you." Therefore, a father who is there when his child or teen needs him assures the child that he or she is important and it keeps the father connected with the child.
The key to a child's safety is the quality and quantity of the relationship that he or she has with their father. This is the best prevention for keeping children from getting involved in drugs, alcohol, smoking, teen pregnancy and criminal behavior.
Learn more about Drug-Free Kids: Why Fathers Make a Difference.
National Fatherhood Initiative
http://www.theantidrug.com/advice/tips_needfromdad.html
B. What are schools doing and saying to teach children about substance abuse? (Back to top)
Schools can add a crucial component to the drug prevention efforts of parents by incorporating prevention strategies within the context of health, science, and family life curricula. Schools also provide an organized peer group setting in which children can develop communication and decision-making skills.
Schools need to have a clear no-use drug and alcohol policy. Some schools require students and parents to sign a form agreeing that all drug-related offenses will be referred to the police and that students who use drugs, including alcohol, will be required to obtain counseling.
For schools to respond effectively and complement the activities of the family, the entire community must be involved. When community members are asked to provide input into the school's strategy to combat drug abuse, they can make valuable contributions to the effort and, in turn, add legitimacy to the school's drug prevention program.
Student Assistance Programs (SAPs) have proven to be quite successful in combatting drug use in many schools. SAPs involve teams of students, teachers, administrators, parents, and counselors trained to recognize causes and symptoms of substance abuse and provide or recommend appropriate intervention. Within a SAP, school professionals are able to refer students confidentially to a "core" or "impact" team that follows up to determine whether intervention or further referral is required. These programs can be tailored to meet the needs of a particular community.
In their classroom practice, teachers can exert significant influence on the beliefs, attitudes, and opinions of their students and complement other drug prevention activities. For example, teachers can hone the problem-solving and decision-making skills of students by incorporating drug prevention strategies into daily lesson plans that are geared toward the social and intellectual needs of their students. In middle school, for instance, peer pressure can be intense. Middle school teachers may use role playing to help small groups of students practice ways to resist peer pressure to use alcohol and other drugs.
The use of "peer leaders" has been successful both in and out of school. Peer leaders receive special training to help them develop strong communication and problem-solving skills. They may lead discussion groups to give other students a forum to voice their questions and concerns. The peer-leader strategy provides positive role models for other students and strengthens the self-esteem of the peer leaders.
http://npin.org/library/pre1998/n00384/n00384.html
C. What role can grandparents play in teaching grandchildren about drugs? (Back to top)
Today's grandparents do much more than bake cookies. Forty-four percent of grandparents see a grandchild every week and forty-five percent of grandparents talk weekly or more with their grandchildren. According to a national survey conducted in conjunction with the 2000 Census, there are 2 million grandparent-headed homes with children under 18 and another 3.2 million grandparents live with and share parental responsibilities for their grandchildren. In other words, grandparents are doing more "parenting" than ever.
As 60 million grandparents celebrate Grandparent's Day on September 9th, it is important to reflect on the key role they play in influencing their grandchildren's lives, especially when it comes to drugs.
While parents are generally recognized as the most important and long-lasting influence on children, grandparents have a close and special bond and often serve as an inspiration to their grandkids. The unique relationship between grandparent and grandchild provides an ideal opening for a discussion of the dangers of drugs.
Research shows that grandparents are looking for guidance on how to talk to their grandkids about difficult topics. In fact, according to a recent AARP survey, 54 percent of grandparents would find information about discussing drugs somewhat or very useful.
In honor of Grandparent's Day, the Office of National Drug Control Policy's National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign offers the following strategies for grandparents to keep their grandkids drug-free:
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START: It is never too early to prevent your grandchildren from trying drugs. Building protective factors, such as letting your grandchild know you care, plays an important role in deterring them from drugs. State your position clearly and often. One of the major reasons teens decide not to use drugs is the fear that their parents or other family members will lose respect for them. Teens do not want to let down their families.
- CONNECT: Take the opportunity to build lines of communication and do things regularly with your grandkids. Spend time together-eat dinner with them, read together, play a game, go shopping, go to the movies, a baseball game or go sightseeing together. Use opportunities like family gatherings or inviting your grandchildren to stay over to show that fun doesn't require drugs.
- LISTEN: Take a more active interest in what is going on in your grandchild's life. Listen to their cares and concerns by fostering family openness and communication. In this way, teens will feel more comfortable to open up to you when they need your advice.
- EDUCATE: In honor of Grandparent's Day, spend at least 30 minutes discussing the dangers of using drugs with your grandkids. Continue the discussion on a regular basis.
- CARE: Make sure your grandchildren know you care that they are drug-free.
- SUPPORT: Explain to your grandchild that you are always there for them-no matter what happens. Make sure that they know to come to you for help or information.
- LEARN: Children today are sophisticated. In order to educate your grandchild about the dangers of drugs, you need to educate yourself first. Sit down and learn about what messages kids are bombarded with everyday through peers, school and the media. It is up to grandparents to help teens sift through those messages and decipher right from wrong. Grandparents should also be aware of all of the risks drugs pose.
- LEAD: Young people are as aware of what you do, as much as what you say. Don't just say the right things, do the right things. Set a good example. If you, yourself, have a substance abuse problem, get help.