How Should I Talk to My Kids about Drugs?
A. How do I start a conversation about drugs?
B. What different techniques can I use for the discussion?
C. How should I respond to what they say?
D. What do I tell them about my personal experience?
A. How do I start a conversation about drugs? (Back to top)
Starting a conversation about Alcohol , Tobacco , and other drugs with your kids is never easy but it's also not as difficult as you may think. Take advantage of everyday "teachable moments" and, in no time at all, you'll have developed an ongoing dialogue with your child. Teachable moments refer to using every day events in your life to point out things you'd like your child you'd like to know about.
Use the following "teachable moments" as a starting point, but develop others based on your own life:
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Point out alcohol-, tobacco-, and drug-related situations going on in your own neighborhood. If you and your child are at the park and see a group of kids drinking or smoking, use the moment to talk about the negative effects of alcohol and tobacco.
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Use newspaper headlines or TV news stories as a conversation starter. The daily news is filled with stories that detail the consequences of alcohol and drug abuse. Talk to your child about the mother who used drugs and was arrested. Who will take care of her baby now? Did she make a good decision when she used drugs?
- Watch TV with your kids, and ask them what they think. Do the shows and advertising make drug use look acceptable and routine? Or do they show its downside? How did that program make your child feel about drugs? Write a letter with your child to companies or TV networks about the messages they put out about drugs. Also remember that anti-drug advertising and such as that from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America-is a great kickoff to discussion.
It is difficult for many parents to discuss drug problems effectively because they do not know how to begin. Here are some possible ways to start what may be one of the most important talks you and your child ever have:
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"I'm troubled by some things I've been reading about smoking, drinking, and other drug use by people your age. So, it would help me to know what you think about this."
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"It was good we had a chance to watch that program on drug and alcohol abuse together. Some of the scenes bothered me and some of the facts scared me. I'd really like to know what you think about all this."
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"I saw the article about the drug education program in your school newsletter. I'd like to hear more about it, and I'd like to know how you felt about taking part in it."
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"Sometimes young people find it difficult to talk with their parents about what worries them, frightens them, or makes them angry. I want you to know that I really would like you to talk with me about these things, and we can always make time to do it. I'm always ready to listen."
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"Sometimes young people need to talk with someone outside the family about what's happening with them and their friends. I hope you have an adult you can talk to besides me. If you don't, maybe we can think of someone."
http://www.drughelp.org/parents/discuss.htm
B. What different techniques can I use for the discussion? (Back to top)
Teens consider their parents a credible source of information about drugs. However, for most parents, drugs are not an easy topic to discuss. Too often, parents are uncertain about what to say. Here are five things parents can do to help make a difference:
1. Begin by Listening
2. Just Say Know
3. Take Action
4. Put Safety First
5. Learn How to Assist
The first step is to get realabout drug use among young people by listening to what they tell us about their lives. Taking the time to understand their perspective will guide us toward intelligent, thoughtful action.
As parents and role models for youth, talking with teens about drugs is an important responsibility. Teens are curious about drugs and crave credible and accurate information. To become a resource for your teens, educate yourself:
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Familiarize yourself with teenage culture. Take the time to learn what interests your teens. Spend time with them listening to music, watching TV and going to movies they want to see.
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Learn about the array of drugs available to young people. Study the physiological and sociological effects. Alcohol - Ecstasy - Marijuana
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Find out about drug education programs in your school. Ask your teens what they think about what is being taught.
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Research the legal consequences of teen alcohol and drug use in your area. From school expulsion to criminal charges, there are serious risks associated with possession and use.
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Examine your own life experience to see how it may be relevant. Decide whether or not you are willing to share your personal experiences with your teens.
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Prevention of drug abuse is not a curriculum package or a magic bulletIt's about caring, connected relationships. There is no perfect script to follow. Each of us needs to find the creative ways to open a dialogue.
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Look for natural openings, like drug use in the news, movies, television and music to start the conversation.
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Remain calm, be patient and listen non-judgmentally.
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Be honest, because teens readily detect hypocrisy in adults; when you do not want to reveal private information, explain why.
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Remember that advice is most likely to be heard when it is requested.
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Realize that all teens bring their own experience to the table; rejoice when they share it because this means they trust you.
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Recognize that in the end the choices will be made by teens themselves.
"The bottom line is that we can lecture kids to our hearts' content, but if they care what we think, or there is no relationship between us that matters to them, or they think we are ignorant of the reality of their lives, they will not listen." -Patricia Hersch, A Tribe Apart: A Journey into the Heart of American Adolescence.
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Approach dependency and addiction by teaching young people how to recognize problem signs in themselves and in others.
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Learn about the most effective ways of helping friends or family who are in trouble
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Promote intervention and helping services in your schools and communities, including student assistance programs, support groups, counseling, treatment and professional services.
http://www.safety1st.org/strategiesathome.html#listening
C. How should I respond to what they say? (Back to top)
HELPFUL EXAMPLES OF PARENT-CHILD DIALOGUES
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Your child says: |
Your first response may be to blurt out: |
A better response would be: |
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Timmy has started smoking but his parents don't know |
I'm going to call Timmy's mother. She has to be told and that's all there is to it.
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How do you feel about Timmy starting to smoke and his parents not knowing? |
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Pot can't be all that bad for you because I've seen kids who use it and they're fine. |
It'll be bad for them if they get caught and end up in trouble with the law.
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I'd like to share with you some of the information I read about the effects of smoking marijuana over time. |
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You lived through the 70's. Why don't you let me live through my decade without your interference. |
I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.
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Sharing my experiences and listening to yours are among the most important things I can do for you as a parent. |
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Nobody else has parents this strict. You're still living in the Dark Ages. |
One day you'll be down on your knees thanking me.
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How would you like me to be? What do you think would be most helpful to you? |
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How can you tell me not to smoke when you inhale two packs a day? Isn't that awfully hypocritical? |
Don't you dare talk to your father like that.
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I know I'm not providing you with a good example. I'd very much like to quit. |
http://www.acde.org/parent/sample.htm
D. What do I tell them about my personal experience? (Back to top)
Among the most common drug-related questions asked of parents is "Did you ever use drugs?"Unless the answer is "No",it's difficult to know what to say because nearly all parents who used drugs don't want their children to do the same thing. Is this hypocritical?
No. We all want the best for our children. Today we have more information and we understand the hazards of drug use better than we did when we were their age and thought we were invincible. To guide our children's decisions about drugs, we can now draw on credible real-life examples of friends who had trouble as a result of their drug use: the neighbor who caused a fatal car crash while high; the family member who got addicted; the teen who used marijuana for years, lost interest in school, and never really learned how to deal with adult life and its stresses.
Some parents who used drugs in the past choose to lie about it, but they risk losing their credibility if their children discover the truth. Many experts recommend that when a child asks this question, the response should be honest.
This doesn't mean that parents need to recount every moment of their experiences. As in conversations about sex, some details should remain private, and you should avoid providing more information than is actually sought by your child. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand exactly why and what a child is asking before answering questions about your past drug use, and limit your response to that information.
This discussion provides a good opportunity for parents to speak frankly about what attracted them to drugs, why drugs are dangerous, what they know now that they didn't know then, and why they want their children to avoid making the same mistake. There's no perfect way to get this message across, only approaches that seem more fitting than others.