I need help NOW – How do I get them stop BICKERING!?!
- Here are some general tips that may be helpful in addressing sibling rivalry in your home.
- You may want to seriously consider accessing the services of a family counselor if any of the following are true:
Here are some general tips that may be helpful in addressing
sibling rivalry in your home. (Back to top)
Spend one-on-one time together: Nothing is more important to children than feeling they are loved and valued by their parents. Children want individual attention from each parent. It makes them feel special. Make spending time alone with each child a priority.
Many experts recommend that each parent spend one-on-one time with each child every day. It can be as little as 5-10 minutes reading or walking together. If your schedule is too tight for this, try to spend time with each child as often as possible. You could schedule a weekend outing to a park, movie or restaurant. Put it on the calendar – and make arrangements for the other child or children to stay with someone else.
Acknowledge feelings: It is important that we acknowledge our children’s feelings. Make empathetic statements to help them see it’s OK to be angry, but that they need to use words instead of their fists. For example, you could say, “I can see you are angry about this, and your brother feels hurt that you never share. I expect you to talk it out instead of hitting.”
Problem-solve together: Try to help kids see it as their problem to solve. Parents should not impose their own solution. Say, “How are you going to figure this one out, guys?” Remember, parents should try not to be the judge – but a facilitator as the children work out their own solutions.
Avoid comparisons: Remember that each child is an individual and celebrate their different strengths! Comparing children to each other can be very hard on both of them. It mistakenly communicates that you value one child more than the other…and it may put undue pressure on the child that is being used as a model.
Give yourself some space: You can make a rule that kids that argue must do so in their bedrooms ONLY!
They do as you do: Remember that kids are great imitators. If you handle anger by fighting and yelling, so will they. Many people who find this to be the pattern in their family have found family counseling to be a valuable tool.
You may want to seriously consider accessing the services of a family counselor if any of the following are true: (Back to top)
- Your children frequently fight to the point where they are in danger of hurting one another.
- You are feeling extremely overwhelmed with the problem, such that you do not feel like you can deal with it yourself.
- You see symptoms in your child that worry you, such as withdrawal, depression, or extreme anxiety.