A. Is Your Child Being Bullied?
B. General Characteristics of Bullies
A. Is Your Child Being Bullied? (Back to Top)
www.colorado.edu/cspv/publications/factsheets/safeschools/FS-SC09.html
A child is bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other students. Children oftentimes will not tell their parents that they are being victimized.
Warning Signs:
- Comes home from school with torn, damaged, or missing clothing, books, and belongings.
- Has unexplained bruises, injuries, cuts, and scratches.
- Does not bring classmates or other peers home after school and seldom spends time in the homes of classmates or peers.
- Seems isolated from peers and may not have a good friend to share time with.
- Appears to be fearful about attending school, walking to and from school, or riding the bus.
- Has poor appetite, headaches, and stomach pains (particularly in the morning).
- Chooses a longer, "illogical" route for going to and from school.
- Asks for or takes extra money from family (money that may go to a bully).
- Appears anxious, distressed, unhappy, depressed or tearful when he or she comes home from school.
- Shows unexpected mood shifts, irritability, or sudden outbursts of temper.
- Has sleeping or eating problems.
- May lose interest in school work and experience a decline in academic performance.
- Talks about or attempts suicide.
General Characteristics of Possible Victims
There are two types of victims:
- Passive or submissive victim, and
- Provocative victim.
Passive/submissive victims signal to others through attitudes and behaviors that they are insecure individuals who will not retaliate if victimized. The provocative victim is a much smaller group of victims. They are characterized by having both anxious and aggressive patterns. Provocative victims are generally boys.
Passive/Submissive Victim Characteristics:
- Physically weaker than their peers (particularly boys).
- Display "body anxiety." They are afraid of being hurt, have poor physical coordination, and are ineffective in physical play or sports.
- Have poor social skills and have difficulty making friends.
- Are cautious, sensitive, quiet, withdrawn, and shy.
- Cry or become upset easily.
- Are anxious, insecure, and have poor self-esteem.
- Have difficulty standing up for or defending themselves in peer groups.
- Relate better to adults than to peers.
Provocative Victim Characteristics:
- Exhibit some or all of the characteristics of passive or submissive victims.
- Are hot tempered and attempt to fight back when victimized – usually not very effectively.
- Are hyperactive, restless, have difficulty concentrating, and create tension.
- Are clumsy, immature, and exhibit irritating habits.
- Are also disliked by adults, including teachers.
- Try to bully students weaker than themselves.
What Can Parents of the Victim Do?
- Encourage your child to share his/her problems with you. Ensure him or her that this is not tattling. Know that your child may be embarrassed, ashamed, and fearful. Listen attentively and reassure him/her that he/she will not have to face the problem alone.
- Praise and encourage your child. Help him or her take pride in his/her accomplishments and differences. A confident child is less likely to be targeted by bullies.
- Search for talents and positive attributes that can be developed in your child. This may help a child to assert himself or herself.
- Help your child develop friendships. Stimulate your child to meet and interact with new peers. A new environment with new peers can provide a new chance for a victimized child.
- Encourage your child to make contact with calm and friendly children in his or her class (or in other classes). This may require the assistance of the school.
- If your child’s own behavior (i.e., provocative victim) is contributing to being bullied, try to help your child change his or her behavior without suggesting that he or she is responsible for being victimized. Try to improve your child’s social skills.
- Motivate your child to participate in physical activity or sports. Physical exercise can result in better physical coordination and less "body anxiety." This, in turn, can increase your child’s self-esteem and improve peer relations.
- Maintain contact with your child’s school. Keep a detailed record of bullying episodes and related communication with the school. Help develop a plan of action for the school to follow. Monitor the situation by maintaining communication with the school and your child.
- Seek help from a mental health professional.
B. General Characteristics of Bullies (Back to Top)
www.colorado.edu/cspv/publications/factsheets/safeschools/FS-SC09.html
Characteristics of Bullies
- Strong desire for power and control over others.
- Physical strength greater than average for own age, and greater
than victims. - Age usually older than victim's.
- Average or above average self-esteem.
- Minimal anxiety and insecurity, usually claimed.
- Low-average to above-average popularity outside of own group
of followers. - Success in hiding their behavior from adults.
- Continual tormenting of victims.
- Hardness, lack of empathy or understanding for others, lack of
conscience. - Defiant attitude toward authority, refusal to follow rules,
sometimes violent behavior toward parents and teachers. - Actions become worse when a victim fights back.
- Skill at seeming innocent and talking one's way out of situations
when caught. - Enjoyment in bullying others.
What Can Parents of the Bully Do?
- Make clear to your child that you take the bullying seriously, and will not tolerate such behavior in the future.
- Develop a consistent family rules system. Use praise and reinforcement for rule-following behavior. Use consistent, non-hostile, negative consequences for rule violation. Set a good example for your child by following these rules yourself. If your child observes aggressive behavior by you, he or she is more likely to act aggressively toward peers.
- Spend more time with your child. Monitor and supervise your child’s activities. Know your child’s friends, where they spend their free time, and what they do with that free time.
- Build on your child’s talents and help him or her develop less aggressive and more appropriate reaction behaviors.
- Maintain contact with your child’s school. Support the school’s efforts to modify your child’s behavior. Enlist help from the school to try and modify your child’s behavior.
- Seek help from a mental health professional.
www.colorado.edu/cspv/publications/factsheets/safeschools/FS-SC09.html
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